Thank You, Now Take Off Your Pants
by imp

Thank You, Now Take Off Your Pants

imp

Summary

Drunk first-time sex.

Notes

None

Chapter One

It all happens pretty quickly. Things with Rob just don't work out, which isn't that surprising. Kate's life is moving quickly now, and she feels a lot less generalized desperation than she did before the baby. She doesn't really need anyone else in her life, on top of the baby and her job.

Well, and Angie. She moved out, of course, but she's over all the time, and she and Steph take up a lot of Kate's time. Steph and Julie love each other, though, and Kate only wants what's best for Julie. Plus, there's her sister, and their kids, and - Kate's life is really full. Rob's the father, so he'll always be around, but Kate just doesn't feel the need for a romantic relationship in her life.

So it's a little disconcerting when Angie comes over for a girls’ night a few weeks after Julia's first birthday and says, "So I had a thought."

"Stop the presses and hide your children."

"Yeah, yeah, you're so funny." Angie throws her straw wrapper at her. Sometimes when Angie's over they end up eating food that comes prepackaged. It's things like this that make Mom frown a bit when Kate talks about Angie. "But seriously, I had a thought. Like, an important one."

"Well?"

Angie brightens like someone turned a lamp on in her head. "We should have sex!"

For a second Kate's entire world stutters. Then she says, "What? Absolutely no."

"Oh, come on." Angie makes a motion with her hand that - it looks like a handjob. "Sex is awesome, we're awesome, why shouldn't we?"

"The kids! Our entire lives!"

"That's what sitters are for." She's still moving her hand.

Kate reaches out and grabs it, making Angie go still. "No. Okay? No. Also I'm pretty sure sex with another - it's not -" She makes the hand motion, hating herself.

"Oh, well, I could do this." Angie crooks her fingers and thrusts up a few times. "Or this." She makes circles with her thumb. "Or this." She makes a V with her fingers and brings her hand up to her mouth, poking her tongue out.

"No!" Kate realizes she's still holding Angie's other hand and sits back. "Angie - no. The answer's no. Okay? And I'm going to generously pretend you never made that...offer."

"You are so uptight." Angie slumps back against the couch. "Oh, come on, it'd be fun. I'm so good at sex."

"Are you?" Kate's not going to mention Carl unless Angie makes her, but oh, let her keep talking. Kate will absolutely mention Carl.

"Carl never had any complaints."

Oh, right, they don't actually live in an alternate universe where Angie has any kind of shame. "Well, I'm not Carl," Kate snaps, and moves to an entire separate cushion on the couch.

That just makes Angie twist and kick her. "Come on. You don't even want to try it? You've never thought about it?"

Only that time she was drunk and Angie was fake pregnant. Or when Rob said, when she was breaking up with him, that he wasn't the closest person in her life anyway. Or when Angie wanders around Kate's apartment in a bathing suit for no apparent reason. But aside from that. "No. Of course not."

"So you're not even going to give me a chance?"

"Absolutely not."

"I could totally find your clit."

"Nope."

"Oh, fine." Angie flops around dramatically. "I'll go find some lesbian, then. I bet she'd finger me without lecturing me on organic food."

"Why have you suddenly decided to go gay?"

"Yeah, all girls who have sex with guys and girls are gay, that's like, science. Why are you so ignorant?"

Kate could have happily gone her entire life without someone like Angie calling her ignorant. "Oh, fine, bisexual then."

"You make it sound like a dirty word."

There's a suspicious silence. When Kate looks over, Angie's doing the V-fingers tongue thing again, and wiggling her eyebrows.

"Everything about you disgusts me," Kate says, and turns Top Chef up. "I'm getting a glass of wine."

"Get me a beer!" Angie hollers at her back as Kate goes into the kitchen.

Kate spends some time in the kitchen with her wine. Some time meaning more than enough time to drink a glass and get started on another one. She just...doesn't really understand Angie. Why would they need to have sex? They're doing fine without having sex. It's entirely possible that Angie just doesn't know how to not ruin a good thing, Kate thinks. That sounds like Angie. Kate loves her like a sister, not like a...partner. Person.

Also, the only time Kate's ever done anything like that was in college, and who doesn't experiment in college? It doesn't mean anything. Angie's just being kind of crazy, which she does occasionally. The best way to make her still is to ignore her.

Except - Kate's been curious a few times. A few times. She can admit that, she thinks as she pours another glass of wine. Kate's not blind. Angie's attractive, and surprisingly smart in her own way, and really good with people. Kate's not that good with people unless she's working. They fit together really well. Angie's become one of Kate's best friends.

But that, she thinks blearily, is a reason to not have sex. Isn't it? Sex could mess things up. Granted, Angie's a total trainwreck all on her own, and Kate can't imagine having sex with the President, the First Lady, and her own cousin could really throw Angie off that much. But still, abstinence is the key to - the key to something. Not abstinence education. But not having sex when sex could mess things up, right, that's important.

Very important, Kate thinks, and has another drink.

"What's taking so long?" Angie says, storming into the kitchen. She stops dead when she sees Kate eyeing up her wine glass. "Oh, we're getting drunk? You should've told me. Head starts are no one's friend." She goes over to the cabinet that Kate more or less gave her and pulls out a bottle of Cuervo. It's sitting next to the Pop Tarts and below the Hostess cakes. Fortunately, she brought over shot glasses, too. She does one shot, and then another, and Kate blames the alcohol for the way she watches Angie's throat and the way she licks her lips after each one.

There's really no excuse for how pleased she feels when Angie finishes after three shots and then smiles at Kate. "Better?"

"I'm not getting drunk," Kate says, but it comes out a little slurred.

"Sure we're not." Angie comes over - saunters over, Angie is sauntering now. Why is Angie sauntering? - and puts her arm around Kate's waist. "I could let you be the guy."

"There is no guy."

"Or, you know, the banger. And I'll be the bangee." Angie curls her fingers again, only this time she quits quickly and grabs Kate's wineglass. "Come on."

"No," Kate says weakly.

Angie screws up her face in that way she does when she's thinking. Kate has a bad feeling about it, which lasts right up to the point that Angie kisses her.

It's nice. Kind of sloppy, which is partially Kate's fault but mostly Angie being Angie, and Angie gets her hand on the back of Kate's neck and her other hand on Kate's hip and doesn't try to grab any breasts or anything like that. So it's nice. Kate kind of...she kind of likes it.

It's not as nice when Angie pulls back and says, "See, that was totally not terrible. Let's do it again!"

"No," Kate says immediately, taking a step back. But Angie follows her. "Angie -"

Angie kisses her again. And Kate doesn't pull away. She thinks about it really hard and then kisses back instead. And Angie makes the kiss a little dirtier, tugging Kate's hair a little and pressing their bodies together, getting in Kate's space.

Kate realizes pretty suddenly that she wants more.

"No, no, no," she says, but mostly now she's saying it to herself. Angie stops kissing her, but she doesn't move away.

"Kate," she says quietly. "Come on. What's the worst that could happen? It's not like I'm gonna knock you up."

"That is the least romantic thing anyone has ever said to me," Kate says, careful to enunciate every word.

Angie blinks at her for a second. "Nope, not drunk enough," she says, and goes over and does another two shots.

Kate watches and tries not to think about how turned on she is.

"Okay!" Angie turns back to her. "Come on, let's go back to the couch and we'll make out like teenagers."

"I had a really normal teenage sex life, thank you."

"Did I say you didn't? God, you're so touchy. No, here, sit like this." Angie yanks Kate up from where she's sat on the couch and then pushes her back down, making her put her feet up - this is so bad for the couch, it's cream and cost Kate thousands of dollars, for God's sake - so that Angie can straddle her. "See? Much better."

"We look stupid," Kate says so she doesn't babble about her couch.

"Oh, whatever, you always look stupid to anyone with half a brain."

"I look stupid? You look like an idiot! You -"

"Oh, come on," Angie says, and kisses her again.

"...this is okay," Kate says a minute later.

Angie grins and wiggles a little. "My panties could win a wet t-shirt contest right now."

"That doesn't make any sense." And also it's kind of distressing, and yet somehow Kate finds herself rocking up against Angie, trying for friction she can't get in this position. "Did you put us like this to mess with me?"

"Nah," Angie says, and runs her fingers through Kate's hair, kissing her again.

The thing is, Angie is pretty good at it, in a trashy kind of way. Like most of what she loves about Angie, Kate thinks helplessly as they kiss. Every time they pull apart, Angie's grinning, and she keeps touching Kate's face and the back of her neck, sometimes scraping her nails lightly over Kate's skin. Kate finds herself touching back, running her hand over Angie's back, trying not to get spooked by the presence of a bra strap or the smell of Angie's hair.

"If you hate this, tell me and we'll totally skip to the fingering," Angie says, lowering her head to kiss Kate's neck.

She's sloppy as ever and Kate closes her eyes and bites her lip as Angie tugs at Kate's shirt.

"You're not going all chicken, are you," Angie says.

Kate doesn't believe in dares, but if she doesn't go along with this then Angie will never let her hear the end of it. So Kate lifts her arms and lets Angie pull her shirt off.

"You," Angie says, "have tits to here." She makes a grasping motion with her hands.

"I do not."

"You do." Angie cups them. It's not as bad as Kate's twelve grade boyfriend Jason, but it's kind of close.

"Here, no, is that what Carl did with yours?"

"Nah, he did this." Angie kneads her breasts like they're dough.

"Ow! No! Okay, just." Kate puts her hands over Angie's. "Play with my, um. I'm wearing my bra, so if you wanted to take that off, that might help with the state of affairs there. Unless you don't want to. That's fine too."

"Kate." Angie looks at her seriously. "Deep breaths."

"Your hands are still on my breasts."

"Who says breasts? Seriously?"

Kate frowns.

"Okay, fine, whatever." Angie holds up her hands in what's probably the same pose she used when she got arrested. "Now take deep breaths."

Kate feels like an idiot, but she obeys.

"Cool," Angie says. "Now I'm going to take your bra off. Don't freak out."

It takes some maneuvering, but Angie succeeds. She spends so long staring at them that Kate feels compelled to say, "You've seen breasts before, right?"

"I like looking at mine," Angie says, which isn't really an answer to the question Kate thought she was asking. "So, nipples, right?"

Kate blushes. Hard. "Yes."

Angie brushes her thumbs over them, and then does it again when Kate shudders. "This is so awesome," Angie says. "This is better than that time me and Carl got up to the top of that big old warehouse near our place and -"

"Please don't," Kate says.

Angie displays a rare bit of good timing by leaning in and kissing Kate. She's still playing with Kate's breasts, running her knuckles over Kate's nipples and cupping them and just - just playing, and Kate really, really wishes she could spread her legs and just go for it. Which is a new feeling. Normally she can wait, but right now -

It's a little embarrassing, she thinks as Angie leans back to get her own top off.

"You know, you can do something about that," Angie says, wiggling a little. "Touch me back."

Kate reaches out and runs a hand over Angie, starting at her shoulder and then moving down her side. She has nice breasts, Kate guesses, as these things go. Kate's not actually sure what really qualifies as having nice breasts, but Angie's are nice. Kate made Angie stop it with the bronzer, so the tan is mostly natural, and she just...she likes them.

And she at least knows enough not to knead them like they're dough. She leans in and kisses Angie's neck, biting very lightly, then a little harder when Angie gasps. It's easy to move from doing that to imitating Angie's actions, throwing in very light pinches and moving with Angie when she starts rocking back and forth. When Kate goes up for another kiss, Angie kisses back with a little more urgency.

"If I was sober, I'd totally be more creative," Angie says, "but we should probably go to a bed now."

A bed, where they can get their pants off. Right. "Yes, of course," Kate says. "I still think this is a bad idea."

"Well, duh," Angie says, getting up.

It seems a thousand times more serious when they make it to the bedroom. "You're sure about this?" Kate says.

"Sure." Angie sounds dismissive. "Take your pants off."

Kate obeys, only stumbling a little. She's actually sobering up remarkably quickly, which she blames on Angie's tendency to pressure her into drinking almost every time they have a baby-free night. Kate's pretty sure at this rate she'll be wearing overalls and putting her hair in pigtails before the year's up.

Or maybe just having sex with Angie more than once.

"I told you." Angie's got her panties by one finger. "Seriously, look at this! You know, my boyfriends used to think they were so much better than they were because of this. It's like a river of ohhhh, baby."

"No girlfriends?" Kate says, because the other option is pathetically demanding that Angie say she's actually enjoying what they've done.

"Nah," Angie says. "Wanting to do you was kind of a surprise."

"So when you said you could find my clitoris -"

"Take your underwear off, I'll show you," Angie says, going over to the bed and lounging on it.

Naked. Kate swallows and looks away. She can handle this. She handles Barry's aura meldings, and changing diapers. She can have sex with Angie, and not immediately have a coronary over how much she's enjoying it.

"Woo-whee!" Angie says when Kate finishes taking them off. "Now booty dance!"

Kate hopes her expression adequately communicates how completely ridiculous that request is.

"Or just come here, whatever."

There's a note of real urgency in Angie's voice, so Kate climbs onto the bed. She swears getting into bed was never this awkward with Rob. Maybe it's because Rob never looked at her like Angie is right now. He generally seemed pleased with sex. Angie looks happier than when she gets to commit a misdemeanor.

"Awesome," Angie says, and pulls Kate down over her. "You should probably finger me first."

"Is that what we're doing?"

"I mean, we can do other stuff," Angie says, "but it seems kind of foolproof. And you've done it before right? You went to college, that's practically the whole point."

"Learning is considered important too."

"Yeah, whatever. So come on! Do me, then I'll do you."

Kate hasn't actually forgotten about foreplay, though, regardless of what Angie apparently hopes. She leans down and kisses Angie, long and slow this time. She's used to being on top - Rob was a relaxed kind of guy - and she soaks up the familiarity of it, even as she reaches down and touches Angie's right breast.

"Hey, so I was thinking," Angie says, "you could maybe, like." She widens her legs and presses up against Kate and oh, God, that's her vagina against Kate's thigh.

It looks like it feels good, though, if the way Angie's expression goes slack is anything to go by.

"Okay," Kate says, lowering her head and nuzzling Angie's neck. She still smells good, and it's comforting. And Kate should probably stop making excuses. She kisses a spot she bit earlier. "So, I think I can - I mean, I hope I can -"

"Just do it," Angie says, grabbing Kate's hand and moving it down to her - vagina. Place? It's not like Kate doesn't know words like pussy and cunt, but they feel unfamiliar. Wrong.

"Stop thinking and start moving," Angie says, rocking against Kate's hand.

She's wet, and Kate doesn't have any problem finding her clit. Angie moans when she does. Of course she would, Kate thinks, and runs her finger over it again. From this angle she can part Angie's lips and spread the moisture around, slipping one finger just barely in, paying attention to every hitch of Angie's breath and every time she twitches.

"That's good," Angie says after a minute. "Man, that's so good, keep going. Kate. Keep going."

"Sorry," Kate says. She was a little busy watching Angie's face. "I'm going to - yeah."

After that things get kind of blurry. It's an endless series of fingering Angie, and kissing her, and paying attention to the noises she makes, trying to get everything exactly right. And then Angie's coming, and pushing Kate back onto her back even as she's still shuddering from the orgasm. Which means Kate gets to look up at Angie as Angie gets Kate off, so competently Kate's honestly kind of stunned.

And really, really turned on.

Angie lies down next to her as she takes deep breaths post-orgasm, trying to settle herself. The lazy, almost possessive hand Angie is running all over her isn't helping. "That was good."

"I told you," Angie says smugly.

"Without the benefit of any actual experience on your end."

"We could go again." Angie wiggles and sticks a hand down between her own thighs, looking contemplative. "Yep. I could totally go again."

So could Kate, but she thinks that's a little beside the point. "Aren't you worried?"

"About what?"

"We're friends. I don't, as a general rule, have sex with my friends. It complicates things, and - why are you laughing?"

"Do you knock your friends up?" Angie says, and then convulses, laughing so hard she's shaking the bed.

Kate's absolutely, one hundred percent positive that's not as funny as Angie thinks it is. She can't help but smile a little, though, watching Angie laugh, feeling grosser and grosser as time goes on.

"Fine," she says when Angie stops sounding like a Johnny Carson audience. "You got me. Happy?"

"I think so," Angie says, kissing her. "So, come on. Again? I could try -"

Kate grabs her hand before she can mime anything. "Sure," she says instead, rolling Angie onto her back and kissing her.

This could be pretty good.